On Exhaustion (Masquerading as Discouragement)

I have been back to work full-time for two weeks now, and I am utterly exhausted. I am big enough to admit when I have too much on plate, and now, I have way too much. For example, yesterday, I got to work by 8:30 a.m., left briefly from 11:45 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. to come home and see my kids, and then did not get back home until 7:30 at night. Once home, the kitchen was a mess because my husband had been taking care of the kids himself all day and had cooked dinner but didn’t have a chance to clean up. I wasn’t able to get all of the dishes done until this evening’s dinner.

I knew going back to work that the first 8 weeks would be crazy. That is when my load is heaviest, so the burden should be easing by late October. But it is like a perfect storm of craziness. My husband hopes to have the rough draft of his dissertation in by the end of October, so he needs a lot of time to work, time he is not getting right now. My eBay business gets busy in August and continues with steady sales until October. And there is something happening that I am not at liberty to discuss right now that contributes in a significant way to our exhaustion.

I feel myself wanting to lapse into old habits of eating out and buying comfort food. I don’t like my job much any more; my heart is at home. I want to be there with my kids. It is now that I have to remind myself of the long term plans, of the desire to save 5 months’ salary so I can stay home. I have to think of this every day so I don’t fritter away my money trying in vain to console myself because life in the short term is not the way I would like it to be.

My mom always says, “This too shall pass.” It will. And if I can follow the plans my husband and I have set out, hopefully this type of craziness will subside in April when I am able to quit, but that means I have to control myself now and muddle through as best I can.